By Erin Alexander Everyone loves talking about red flags in other people. We send screenshots to friends. We analyze texts. We diagnose strangers on dating apps with the confidence of a panel of therapists. What we rarely do is ask: What if I’m the red flag in someone else’s story? A sexologist I know once told me that most destructive dating behaviors stem from dysregulation, attachment panic, and unprocessed shame. It's fear dressed up as intensity. This makes them incredib

by Rick Hogart The first time I noticed how hard I was working during sex, it wasn’t because my partner complained. It was because my brain sounded like a sweaty stage manager with a headset. Okay, okay, we’re doing great. Keep tempo. Keep pressure. Don’t lose the thread. Make sure she thinks you’re a god. What’s your face doing? Why is your face doing that. Meanwhile, my body was there, technically present, like a guy who showed up to help a friend move but keeps checking h

A lot of men move through the world undertouched. Not “in a sad way”, just in a modern way. Touch gets funneled into two narrow lanes: quick social gestures (handshakes, back pats), and sex. Everything in between gets awkward, risky, or coded as something it’s not. That leaves a gap: sensual touch , the kind of slow, soothing contact that builds calm, closeness, and body confidence. Hugging, cuddling, shoulder squeezes, scalp rubs, a long back massage, fingertip tracing, ches

We got this email (details lightly edited for privacy): “My girlfriend and I have been together five years. Early on we were having sex all the time. Then we settled into a couple times a week. She used to be multi-orgasmic. During the pandemic our intimacy fell off. Then she started having hot flashes and said she felt different ‘down there.’ She had a hysterectomy years ago but still has her ovaries. We’ve worked on the relationship and things are better—she says she’s happ

We got this one in our email this week (edited for privacy, but the core is the same): “I’m about 3.5 inches hard. I’ve heard women don’t care about size, but that hasn’t been my experience. I’ve had women laugh, ask ‘is it in?’ and straight-up tell me they can’t date me because I’m too small.I feel crushed. Part of me wants to give up on dating women completely.” First: that’s brutal. Not “awkward,” not “a misunderstanding.” Cruel. And it makes sense that your confidence to

Cheating used to be obvious. Now it often shows up as something smaller, quieter, and easier to deny: a private message you wouldn’t mention, a “harmless” flirt that keeps escalating, or a connection that starts stealing attention from home. That gray-zone behavior is commonly called microcheating , small, deniable actions that cross your relationship’s boundaries of emotional or romantic loyalty. It’s not always about sex. It’s about secrecy, attention, and drift . A lot of