“I keep getting rejected because of my small penis. Should I just stop dating?”
- JELQ2GROW
- Jan 22
- 4 min read
We got this one in our email this week (edited for privacy, but the core is the same):
“I’m about 3.5 inches hard. I’ve heard women don’t care about size, but that hasn’t been my experience. I’ve had women laugh, ask ‘is it in?’ and straight-up tell me they can’t date me because I’m too small.I feel crushed. Part of me wants to give up on dating women completely.”
First: that’s brutal. Not “awkward,” not “a misunderstanding.” Cruel. And it makes sense that your confidence took a hit. Rejection is one thing; humiliation sticks to your nervous system.
Also, we're not going to gaslight you with “size never matters.” For some people, it does. For some, it doesn’t. The real question is: what do you do with that reality without letting it run your life?
Here’s the playbook.
1) Stop trying to convince people who don’t want what you have
If someone is size-fixed, you won’t “technique” your way into being their preference. And honestly? You don’t want to.
What you can do is filter faster so you’re not handing access to your body (and self-esteem) to people who aren’t safe.
Two upgrades that help immediately:
Date in contexts that reward connection, not performance. Fast-hookup environments can be great, but they also attract “shopping behavior.” If your confidence is fragile right now, pick settings where you’re actually seen as a person.
Screen for empathy early. Notice how she talks about past partners, bodies, and sex. If she’s casually mean, she’ll eventually aim that at you.
You don’t need universal acceptance. You need the right match.
2) Small penis? Make sex bigger than penetration (because it is)
A lot of men get trapped thinking sex = P-in-V. That’s not how most women experience pleasure. Penetration can be enjoyable, but for many women, it’s not the main event.
So if you’ve been trying to “win” sex with penetration alone, you’ve been fighting the wrong battle.
Your new frame:
Penetration is one tool. Not the whole toolbox.
Here’s what that toolbox should include:
Oral that’s confident, patient, and tuned-in (not rushed, not ego-driven)
Fingers with intention (steady rhythm, pressure control, and reading feedback)
External stimulation (clit-focused, because that’s where many orgasms happen)
Toys as teammates, not competition (vibes exist for a reason)
If a woman orgasms multiple times before penetration even happens, the “size conversation” changes dramatically, because now sex is already a win.
3) If penetration is happening, make it smarter
Small doesn’t mean “can’t feel.” It means you optimize the variables that actually create sensation.
Try this:
Prioritize arousal time.
More arousal = more sensation and easier orgasms.
Use positions that increase friction and contact.
Think missionary with her legs higher, cowgirl where she grinds instead of bouncing, spooning with slow rhythm, edge-of-bed angles.
Stay close.
Deep thrusting is overrated for a lot of women; grinding and contact often feel better.
Add clitoral stimulation during penetration.
Your hand, her hand, or a small vibrator: it’s not “extra,” it’s high-IQ sex.
Optional tools (if you’re into them): a cock ring (used safely, not too tight, not too long), or a penis sleeve if both of you agree it’s fun. No shame, just consent.
4) The confidence piece: don’t let this become your identity
Right now your brain is trying to turn repeated humiliation into a rule:
“No woman will want me.”
That’s not a fact. That’s trauma logic.
Yes, some women will reject you for having a "small penis". Also yes: there are women who prefer smaller, women who don’t care, women who care more about oral, and women who value connection over anatomy. Your job is not to “prove” yourself to the harshest audience. Your job is to build a sex life with people who actually like you.
If the shame is sticking hard, consider talking to a therapist or sex therapist. Not because you’re broken, because you got hit repeatedly.
5) If size is severely affecting your confidence, you have options (including coaching)
If your size anxiety is starting to poison dating, sex, or your self-image, it makes sense to address it directly and safely.
At JELQ2GROW, we offer penile enhancement coaching for men who want a structured, responsible approach: education, technique guidance, habit-building, safety principles, and realistic expectations. We’re not promising miracles, and we’re not replacing medical care, results vary, and your health comes first—but for many men, the biggest win is getting out of helplessness and into a plan.
Sometimes the upgrade isn’t only physical. It’s psychological:
“I’m doing something about it. I’m not stuck.”
If you want help building that plan (and pairing it with better sexual skills and confidence), that’s exactly what our coaching is for.
Stop dating like you’re on trial
Don’t give up on dating women. Give up on:
letting cruel people define your worth
treating penetration like the only scoreboard
walking into sex like you’re waiting to be judged
Build a sex life where you lead with pleasure, clarity, and confidence, then the rest follows.
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