I Think She’s Faking Her Orgasms… What the Hell Do I Do?
- JELQ2GROW
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
A straight-talk guide for men who want real pleasure, not polite applause.
Let’s talk about the thing most guys secretly fear but rarely admit out loud:
What if she’s faking it?
Not “Hollywood porn-moaning” faking, the full-body performance with supporting sound design.The kind of faking that makes you walk into the kitchen afterward feeling like an idiot holding your victory toast.
If your partner has faked an orgasm at some point, welcome to the human race.
A widely cited 2019 study published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy found that 58.8% of women have faked an orgasm at least once. And nearly every sexologist I’ve interviewed says that number is laughably low.
Dr. Laurie Mintz, author of Becoming Cliterate, puts it perfectly:
Pressure. Expectation. Performing instead of experiencing. That’s the real enemy.
The question isn’t “Is she faking it?”The real question is: “What conditions does she need to stop feeling like she has to?”
Let’s break this down so you walk away with clarity, confidence, and an actual game plan, not paranoia.
1. A fake orgasm is not an indictment of your sexual skills. Stop taking it personally.
Women fake orgasms for reasons that have nothing to do with your value as a lover.
According to sex researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller:
That means she wasn’t trying to humiliate you. She wasn’t plotting a betrayal. She wasn’t secretly comparing you to her ex
More likely, she was thinking something like:
“He’s trying so hard, and I can’t get there, maybe I should just… end the scene.”
“If I don’t climax, he’ll think he’s failing.”
“This is taking too long, and I’m tired.”
“I’m not in the right mental space tonight.”
Her faking has nothing to do with your masculinity. What’s really at play is the pressure-cooker dynamic that shows up in so many heterosexual beds: she’s trying to please, you’re trying to perform, and somewhere along the way, the real pleasure gets lost.
Men want to give orgasms. Women want to avoid disappointing their partner.
And boom, you get The Great Orgasm Theater.
2. Her pleasure starts in her mind long before it lands in her body.
You’ve probably heard the cliché: “The brain is the biggest sex organ.”
Well… It’s true. And especially true for women.
Dr. Nicole Prause, neuroscientist and founder of Liberos, explains:
Translation: You could have Olympic-caliber oral technique, a Cirque-du-Soleil hip routine, and forearms carved by the gods… But if her brain is stressed, distracted, or feeling pressured, her orgasm is not coming to the party.
This is why people orgasm more easily at sex parties, or in brand-new hookups, or when watching porn: novelty and anonymity reduce pressure.
Meanwhile?
Long-term relationships build love and safety… but familiarity? It’s not exactly gasoline on the erotic fire.
None of this means she’s bored of you. It means her erotic circuitry may need stimulation beyond “the usual.”
3. So… how do you talk about it without sounding insecure or accusatory?
Here’s what not to do:
❌ “Are you faking your orgasms?” That’s not a conversation, it’s an interrogation.
She’ll get defensive. She might lie to protect you. And you’ll walk away 10% more confused.
Instead, your job is to open a door, not point a spotlight.
Try:
✔️ “Is there anything you’ve been wanting to try together?”
✔️ “What turns you on that we haven’t explored yet?”
✔️ “I’ve been thinking about how to make sex even better for you. What feels hottest to you these days?”
These questions shift the focus to curiosity, not accusation.
Dr. Emily Nagoski (author of Come As You Are) says:
That’s your golden line. Make it your religion.
4. Want to know what she’s into? Don’t just guess — watch porn together.
Watching porn together is not about copying positions or competing with performers. It’s a visual menu for her to point at: “That. That thing. That dynamic. That energy.”
You’ll learn more from 10 minutes of shared porn than from 20 nights of “hope this works.”
Also, watching porn turns people on (shocking!), which lowers anxiety and makes genuine orgasms more likely.
Use it as a tool, not a lifestyle.
5. If she’s secretly kinky… You need to know.
Many women carry unspoken fantasies: Submission, spanking, dirty talk, power play, choking, degradation, roleplay, things they feel embarrassed to admit out loud.
Dr. Wednesday Martin, cultural anthropologist and author of Untrue, writes:
If she’s hiding a desire because she fears judgment, she may perform pleasure rather than experience it.
Maybe she wants:
firmer dominance
slower sensuality
a filthy mouth in her ear
hair-pulling
being pinned down
or yes, the occasional “Daddy” situation
When you discover her erotic language, the need to perform evaporates.
6. But real life isn’t a BDSM scene every night. Enter: vibrators.
Adding a vibrator is not a sign you’re failing. It’s a sign you’re adulting.
Vibrators don’t replace men. They complement men.
Frame it generously:
✔️ “Your pleasure matters to me.”
✔️ “People with vaginas often need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, I want to make that easier for you.”
✔️ “This is for you. Let’s try it together.”
No shame. No ego. No “I’m not enough.”
Just partnership.
7. And finally: orgasms aren’t the only metric of good sex.
This is the part men need tattooed on their forearms.
A relationship with healthy sexual communication is not one where:
She orgasms every time
You perform perfectly
Nobody ever feels awkward
A real sexual relationship is one where:
Both people can say what’s working and what isn’t
Neither person gets offended when adjustments are needed
pleasure is collaborative instead of performative
If your partner has faked orgasms, it may be because she:
didn’t want to disappoint you
didn’t feel safe stating her needs
was tired or anxious
didn’t know how to guide you
didn’t know what she wanted yet
None of these are indictments of you. They’re invitations.
8. The good news: most women who fake orgasms eventually stop — once the conditions improve.
That 2019 study also found that 67.3% of women who had ever faked an orgasm no longer do. Why? Because they eventually learned:
to communicate
to trust their partner
to ask for what they want
to let go of pressure
You can help create that environment.
And when you do? Her orgasms (real ones) will show up like guests who finally feel welcome enough to stay for dessert.
So, what do you do now?
Step 1: Stop panicking.
Step 2: Stop personalizing.
Step 3: Start inviting open, playful, pressure-free sexual conversations.
Step 4: Explore together, fantasies, porn, toys, sensations.
Step 5: Build a sexual environment where honesty feels safe.
A woman’s genuine orgasm is not something you “achieve.”It’s something you co-create.
And you sound like a guy who actually gives a damn, which already puts you ahead of half the dating pool.
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