The Legend of the 42 MPH Cumshot

Some men are born great, and some achieve greatness. And some, allegedly, learn how to ejaculate at 42.7 miles per hour.

Let's talk about the legend, the myth, the maestro of the money shot: Horst Schultz.

If you’ve never heard of him, get ready. According to a now-legendary 1991 book called The Complete Guide to Bodily Fluids, Schultz wasn't just a man; he was a human cumshot cannon. He holds the unverified, unofficial, but absolutely awe-inspiring triple crown of ejaculation:

• The Distance Record: 18 feet, 9 inches. (That's longer than a crocodile).

• The Height Record: 12 feet, 4 inches. (That's like clearing a basketball hoop).

• The Speed Record: 42.7 mph. (That's legally a speeding violation in some school zones).

The numbers are so staggering they sound like a tall tale, the kind of story you'd tell around a campfire if that campfire were in a very weird part of the internet.

So, what was his secret? According to the lore, it wasn't magic; it was muscle.

Schultz was apparently a master of his pelvic floor (PC) muscles. He claimed to have trained these muscles with such dedication that he could control the force of his orgasm with the precision of a marksman.

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Imagine this guy at the gym. While everyone else is doing bench presses and bicep curls, Horst is in the corner, discreetly training for the gold medal in a sport no one else knew existed. It’s the kind of secret superpower you can’t exactly demonstrate at a party.

Now, before you quit your job to begin your training montage, there’s a catch. You won’t find Horst Schultz in the Guinness Book of World Records. They famously don't track records of this... nature. His entire legend exists within the pages of that single book, making him a kind of cryptozoological figure of the sex world—a Bigfoot whose only footprint is a stain on a wall 18 feet away.

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Is the story real? A medical marvel? Or just a glorious, over-the-top hoax from a time before the internet could instantly debunk it?

Honestly, who cares?

The legend of Horst Schultz is a testament to a simpler, more glorious truth: the human body is a weird and wonderful machine capable of truly baffling things. And while you probably won’t be setting any world records tonight, it’s just fun to know that somewhere, sometime, a hero allegedly did.

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